Unclear of the correct direction

well as mi title suggests, im writing this post under completely unclear senses.so pardon me if i sound ridiculous or juz simply crap.well.so much things to sae.start wif the std1 bbq on 25 june.well i read so mani ppls blogs.Anw that doesnt realli matter.yeah so the bbq was realli much better than wat i thot it wld be.i think ppl like tzuhsiang elizebath they all really deserve more than juz a pat on their backs for their efforts, and probaly the rez of them too.(thou i wonder wat they will turn up wif during POP when they alrdy done a skit this time)so i guess they muz be realli disappointed(pissed will be a better word) at so mani ppl backing out laz moment.well i also dunno wat to sae.hmm but the bbq was juz nice la.too bad jason lost his phone.wa see him so sad, cant help bt feel so sorry for him.dont even noe what his parents actly do to him once he gotta outta our sights during the bbq.plaeing in the waters is fun.thou it seriously brings severre consequences such as unbearable GA that develops steadily thruout the bbq.haha but i didnt realli care.hmm i wonder why i sound so emotionless in this reflection of the bbq.ppl may think that im juz writing it for the sake of doing so.but im not.the feeling within me was realli dunno how to sae also la, so i also duno wat will happen when POP actly comes.hmmm.22 more daez.laz time wearing full u le.anyway during the bbq we took mani photos.and as usual i sucked in them.haha.i shant care either since theres no cure to cruelty or reality,acceptance is the bez medicine i suppose.so aniwae thx std1s for ur efforts in the bbq.truly appreciate.ok moving on, next thing was mi bdae?haha.well shld i sae i shld feel lucky that mi bdae falls on the same dae as chinhui, but aniwae realli thx to peeps like dickson keong amer yiwei val they all who helped us celebrate so gayly in the canteen( by singing the birthday song 3 times and blowing the candles dunno how mani times),u peeps rock man.haha, althou this is onli the 2nd time i seriously even have such kind of celebrations for mi bdae(ok i admit that im such an unpopular guy that i rareely even celeb till sec 3), it will also be the laz one we peeps will celebrate like that in dhs, along wif chinhui ahha.and anyway thx to all the peeps who wished me happie bdae thru sms too.so now im 16, im supposed to be able to go plae pool at hotshots without getting that "im sorry but u juz miss that mark i dont wanna get fined 750bucks" look by those ppl there.furthermore, i do not have to rely on another person's ic to buy nc-16 movies, instead i can guang ming zheng da go in,..haha...honestly it isnt a big deal la..but at leaz im 16 now,dont feel anithing much special actly about miself, maybe onli abt the frenships i have developed ard me. i feel so weird. i feel the supposedly numb me is being drained by emotions again.that sounds so horribly gay.but somehow it is out of mi control.and i realli cant help it. i cant help thinking abt POP.i cant help thinking abt the laz few daez in dhs. i cant help thinking abt going to a new envt.i know we shldnt worry, as moz of them dont come true.neither shld we anticipate, bt i realli have to. i feeel distracted.when i study, im helpless at thoughts pouring thru mi mind.as i close mi eyes on mi bed so mani things will flash paz me.maybe this is also becoz of the fact that me wenbin and eugene have somehow reverted back to option 2.the reason behind is not the main thing.but i cant help but feel sad that everithing's over so soon.everything seemed like juz yesterday.even a new daez awakening couldnt hypnotize me and make me become innocent and forget abt all these as they juz come haunting back into mi mind once i close my eyes.well somehow i feel that this entry sounds so fake and gay and whatever, but at leaz i enjoy typing it out.anyway moving on,(ok i know this is a very long entry, but juz let me .... out),todae was sj dae.wasnt realli gd. but nvm.we took some photos wif the std1s again, under the insistence of keong, and well it was juz a few pics as mi camera was running outta batt aniwae.hmm.so the std1s are no longer under us le. they r under std3s.gd luck have fun haha.ARgh, even after typing so much, i still have so many left locked in my heart n soul, but the key can nv be found.why is it getting harder and harder to not get distracted. i seem to be loooking endlessly for the answer,but still it comes to no avail.

She’s taking her time making up
The reasons To justify all the hurt inside
Guess she knows from the smile And the look in their eyes
Everyone’s got a theory about theBitter one
They’re saying mamma never loved Her much
And daddy never keeps in touch
That’s why she shies away fromHuman affection
But somewhere in a private place
She packs her bags for outer space
And now she’s waiting for the right Kind of pilot to come
And she’ll say to him She’s saying
I would fly to the moon and back
if You’ll be If you’ll be my baby
Got a ticket for a world where weBelong
So would you be my baby
She can’t remember a time when sheFelt needed
If love was red then she was colourBlind
All her friends they’ve been tried forTreason
And crimes that were never defined
She’s saying love is like a barren Place And reaching out for human faith is
Is like a journey I just don’t have aMap for
So baby’s gonna take a dive and
Push the shift to overdrive
Send a signal that she’s hanging All her hopes on the stars
What a pleasant dream
Just saying Chorus
Hold on hold on Mamma never loved her much
And daddy never keeps in touch
That’s why she shies away from Human affection
But somewhere in a private place
She packs her bags for outer space
And now she’s waiting for the rightKind of pilot to come
And she’ll say to himJust saying Chorus

At leaz its better to leave on a high.but so mani things are left undiscovered.untouched.unexplored.crap wat the hell m i tokin.i shall go for now.organize mi thots.return one dae.